The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
