and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
