I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
