I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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