i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
