so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
