i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
