I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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