if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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