I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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