I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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