I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
