Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
