She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
