I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
