So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
