Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I intend to get homeless drunk
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
