You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
