mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize