hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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