I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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