and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
