Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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