if you like me you must not know who I am
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
