She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
