Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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