I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
