I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
