There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
