Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
birth control should be required to get into college
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
