glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize