he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
