Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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