I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
