Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
