I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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