Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
