I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
