i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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