walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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