there's paper in my vomit.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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