trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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