Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
