I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
