oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
