just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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