i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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