Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
