guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
