Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
