Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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