I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
