the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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