i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We got so high we made milksteak
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize