the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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