wanna go halves on a baby?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
