I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
