NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
