I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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