my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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