dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
