You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
