I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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