You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
