You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
