One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
