hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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