he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
