Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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