I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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