Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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